A Silver Lining by Violetta Armour
“Blended families: woven together by choice, strengthened together by love, and each uniquely ours.”
In this day and age of blended families, I think many traditions practiced with an original family often sadly disappear through separation and divorce.
When I married for a second time, my husband and I combined a family of five children, ages 15 to 26. The only child still living at home was my fifteen-year old daughter so she and my husband had a chance to bond. I did not have that opportunity with his children but wanted very much to be accepted and loved by them. I think I was always on the look-out for ways to endear myself to them whenever we were together.
Our first Christmas I put into practice a tradition I had grown up with. Now thirty-three years later, I can honestly say that is was, and still is, the single most cherished and loving tradition of our blended family.
As a first generation American, I grew up in a home that continued to practice many European customs and traditions, not only during the holidays but all year long according to the Julian Orthodox calendar. My parents were born in Macedonia and Bulgaria and both immigrated to America in the 1920’s where their marriage was arranged by two aunts. Although they met a brief ten minutes (talk about speed dating!) they agreed to marry and remained married until my father passed away forty-six years later. But that’s another story. This one is about a beautiful Christmas tradition practiced each year in our home.
The Christmas Eve supper was the last day of a 40-day Orthodox Lent. As part of the dinner, a special homemade bread or strudel was served. Special because a silver dollar, was placed in it before baking. The traditional belief is that whoever found the coin in their designated piece would have extra good luck the coming year.
My mother carefully nestled the foil-wrapped silver dollar between layers of crispy delicious phyllo dough and cheese. This was typically baked in a round pan so even the person who did the assembling did not know where the coin was once the pan was twirled. It was prepared a few days ahead of time and covered with a clean linen cloth. When my mother wasn’t looking, my brother and I would sneak peeks under the cloth, hoping to see a glimmer of the silver foil.
Because we were only a family of four and the round baking pan was large, pieces were also designated for “the home”, the “church” and extended family members. As much as I loved this tradition, for whatever reason, I did not continue it when I first married with my two children. But when we became a blended family of five children, I thought it might be nice to start something that would unite them and become our tradition.
The first year there were 10 of us present for the dinner so I sliced a piece for every one of the children and their spouses and the first two grandchildren. I also wanted to express my good wishes for what the New Year might bring for them, so I composed a simple two-line poem recognizing something uniquely important to each of them.
Now, some thirty-five years later and 27 of us, the tradition continues. I serve the cake and read the poem whenever most of us are around the table at one time during the holidays, sometime between Thanksgiving and New Year’s. If someone cannot not be present, one of the children takes a video to send to the others or we put them on speaker phone. Today, in the year 2020, I am sure it would be a Zoom event.
It became known simply as “The Poem” and now reading those poems of past years is like a mini-history of our family. We acknowledged births, graduations, weddings, and sadly even deaths. But always trying to recognize a special accomplishment for each family member, be it ever so small, such as starting Kindergarten or riding a two-wheeler without training wheels or having their best golf score ever.
After the reading of the poem, everyone eagerly bites into their designated piece of cake to see who will be the “lucky” one. Since baking is not my strong suit, I never attempt the traditional homemade strudel. I think the first year the coin was hidden in a Bundt cake. One time it was brownies. Another year I took the coin to a local specialty bakery and asked them to make 20+ cookies that resembled a house and place the coin in one of them, commemorating a year when everyone in the family had a change of residence.
After slicing the cake into the allotted number of pieces, a number is placed on each one like a little flag with a toothpick. Then an identical set of numbers are placed in a basket from which everyone draws their number. When all the pieces are distributed, everyone bites in. Trust me, your family will find creative ways to do this that are as much fun as the first bite itself. And to guarantee that it is not rigged in any way, in all the years I have put this into practice, I have never once found the coin in my piece.
And don’t let the thought of a poem intimidate you. Here’s the simple opening and closing of the first poem, which you are welcome to use. And in between just a few words about what is important to each family member at this stage in their lives.
Opening:
Along with all the Christmas cheer,
May 1987 be your best year.
To see your plans and dreams come true,
Here’s a special wish for each of you:
Closing: We love you all. We’re glad you came
Come back next year—we’ll do the same.
We’ll gather round for old times’ sake
And dig for silver in a cake.
Another year has ended
Tomorrow we must part
But the memories tonight
Will live on in our heart.
Or in lieu of a poem, each member can simply say what it is they are hoping for in the coming year or what was the highlight of their previous year.
The second tradition we began was spreading a white tablecloth on our large dining room table with a variety of assorted colored magic makers. Each child and grandchild traced their hand and then wrote a little message into their hand drawing. Some wrote in the palm of the hand, others wrote something in each finger. Some couples intertwined their hands with a double message. The creativity was quite amazing.
Now whenever a large group of us gather, we spread the tablecloth out and marvel at how the children’s’ hands have grown and what our message was. And of course, new additions to the family are added to the tapestry.
As this pandemic year has proven, those special days and holidays with family will never be taken for granted again. Nothing is more important than being with loved ones and if there is any way we can make those moments even more special than they are, we are leaving a legacy that no virus or pandemic can destroy.
